17 Comments
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Smillew's avatar

💀

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Thomas Johnson's avatar

Has the certificate I ordered in the name of ``Brian Thompson'' come through yet? It's been over a week now ...

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Keye Martin's avatar

I completely didn't realize you were talking about that CEO dude until just now -- I never actually knew his name. Sorry for being so dense.

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Thomas Johnson's avatar

I guess some names just aren't worth remembering. Apologies if you've ended up on a watch-list because of me ;)

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Keye Martin's avatar

Lol you reminded me of a post that's behind a paywall but this link avoids it: https://keye.substack.com/p/04cf2515-5006-4cdd-ac2e-243a218672f8

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Keye Martin's avatar

I never received an order from the shop for Brian Thompson. You can order one here if you want to though: https://ko-fi.com/s/9d2f7fd2cb

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Nick Winney's avatar

Dark as the devil's bed socks and just as snug. Christmas is still christmas in the UK but slowly it disappears spread thinner and thinner as the knife smears it from well before Halloween. a wafer thin layer of good cheer. nobody on my christmas list really deserving of the excellent gifts you offer. The idea of "a gift to end all giving" is delicious. 😎

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Keye Martin's avatar

Thanks homie, Happy Holidays to you and yours.

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Curt Copeland's avatar

Ah, the holidays: the 4-8 weeks were we all pretend to be caring, thankful and giving! Why only 4-8 weeks? Just practice? We aren’t capable of more? Society would break down otherwise? Or is it mandatory actor screening for Hollywood to see who has the best acting skills?

What a nightmare it would be if we sincerely practiced these things all the time! Horror!

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Keye Martin's avatar

I always enjoy thinking about what homeless people are supposed to eat after the holidays lol

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Joey Demes's avatar

What item from The Keye Store would you recommend a university student like me to buy for myself?

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Keye Martin's avatar

You asshole, I just saw your order. Omg I'm going to hell.

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Keye Martin's avatar

Okay, first thought, don't buy a death certificate, because you know how I'd fill it out -- yes, my sense of humor really is that fucked up. I'd say buy "in places where quiet is too much" because even though people disagree with me, I always felt that I never wrote anything better.

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Joey Demes's avatar

Listening to authority is for nerds, so I bought a death certificate anyway. Listening to a dude who is pretty decent at writing is completely reasonable, so I also bought “in places where quiet is too much”. I am looking forward to the fruits of your labor.

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Keye Martin's avatar

Holy shit, I might have had a positive impact on the planet.

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Smillew's avatar

Talking to yourself again?

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Keye Martin's avatar

Of course, I'm the only one that listens

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